I want to talk about something that a lot of bipolar people have issues with — obsessive thinking. I say I put the O in OCD (except there isn’t really a C or a D because the O is all I’ve got). If you know me, you know I am obsessed with unicorns and before that it was cows. I have been obsessed with peanut butter and zombie movies too. Those are the fun obsessions. But I also have obsessive thinking with problems and people.
You’re My OBSESSION!
It’s an awkward thing to talk about, but I have seen other bipolar friends that have this exact same issue. This is why I decided to make a blog post about this. When a bipolar person likes someone they go NUTS! What I am talking about is often the case with crushes, but it doesn’t have to be a crush. It can be anyone you find yourself overthinking about or preoccupied with. I have a lot of friends, but I only have a few close friends. The close friends I can drive absoultely crazy with my obsessive ways. I am weird, moody, clingy, and attention-demanding. Yep.
Bipolar relationships can be overkill in clinginess! Here comes the personal talk. A couple years ago, I started dating this really great guy.
When we started dating I was fairly certain I was going to run him off with my crazy. I actually am very good at this. He was only my second relationship and I kind of wanted to keep him. He was sweet and handsome and treated me like a goddess. So, I put an effort into “being normal”. The obsessive-thinking/clinginess is a cycle. I think it’s a result of anxiety. You get excited…you text them a million times… they don’t write back. You feel like oh SHIT I blew it with my over-kill crazy, you freak out, AND THEN YOU BLOW IT! Wam bam psycho and repeat! This time I didn’t want to blow it so I started a “practice boyfriend” journal. Uh-huh. Yep, he was my practice boyfriend where I practiced being normal. I would write in my journal whenever I felt the need to drive him bonkers. I also wrote mantras and pep talks in it. I’m still working on this. Now that I am back in the dating game. I still have the same issues. LOL. I suck at dating btw.
Have you ever been obsessed with someone? Woken up in the middle of the night thinking about them. On your mind first thing in the morning, all-day-freaking long! Lovesick? It’s hard to differentiate love and obsession. I have experienced both and they are in fact, remarkably similar.
Obsession is not just attraction. I have had girl crushes, celebrity crushes, and I just think you’re cool crushes.
And then there are the elationships! Do you know what an elationship is? It’s an online relationship. I have a lot of online friendships. Honestly, most of my friends I have met online. Elationsips can be a great thing. When you don’t have that face-to-face contact though, your elationship can be pure fiction. And that’s what so freaking awesome about it, but at the same time problematic. It is very easy to be attracted to the “persona” of the person you meet online. But is he/she real? Who knows… Keep this in mind when you are obsessed with being cool like that girl or are infatuated with that internet crush.
Soooooo How do I cope with my obsessions.
My Obsessive Thinking Journal — KEEP OUT!
Okay so one of my best tools for when I am obesssing is to keep a journal. Here’s how it helps me. For one, writing things down clears my head, makes me focus, and gets my feelings out. But, it also keeps me from driving someone batty and creating the anxiety-loop. When I make friends, I tend to go overboard. I will talk to them a million times a day and burn them out. I have struggled with relationships my whole life because I don’t do moderation well. And I get fixated on things/goals/people. So instead of writing about that girl/guy on Facebook all day, or sending that person a zillion texts, or daydreaming about your fantasies all day, write them in a journal.
Do yourself a favor. Keep a journal. You are the only one who needs to know. Seriousy if you don’t tell people. They won’t know. Shhhhhh….. You might be my obsession.